My brilliant and talented children have taken it upon themselves to begin training for the Summer Olympics 2024. They are dilligently working on a couple of different skill-sets, so they will have plenty of options when qualification time arrives. We will just have to adjust, or replace, some of the current categories....but the sports world may have caught up to the recent competing trends in our household, by then.
The first category is World Class Zerbert Blowing - this would need to be added as a new sport (just clarifying.....so you do not have to wrack your brain trying to recall who represented the US, during the last Summer Olympics). My kids now consider blowing "zerberts" on my arms and face a competitve sport. I will be sitting somewhere and Braden will walk up to ask me something. In the middle of what he is saying, he will quickly bend down and "zerbert" my arm. Bryce will hear the noise - which signals the start of the competition - and imediately stop what he is doing, run over, and start blowing on my other arm. Brooke eventually hears that the competition has begun, so she'll throw herself onto my lap and try to zerbert my cheeks. (I will admit....this is her weakest sport....due to all the giggling she is doing). They each take turns trying to make the biggest "fart noise" (as Brooke sweetly calls it) on Mommy. Despite the slobber and death grips the kids have on various parts of my body.....I can't help but fall into a helpless fit of giggles. The louder the noises they make, the louder they laugh (which I am sure the judges will take into consideration for point scoring). It is a sport which exhibits true sportsmanship.......they each hope the next zerbert will be louder than the last.....despite who is performing the task.
The next category would replace the Javelin Throw......The Random Toy Throw.
Bryce excels at this. This sport requires immense concentration. You appear to be sitting quietly, playing with some random toy......then suddenly you jump up, and throw said toy as far as you can across the room. If you hit a sibling or an expensive electronic device....that doubles your score. If you manage to beam your mother upside her head with it.....it's an automatic win for that round.
Bryce is the leading contender for this sport, hands down.
The last sport they have been training for would replace Basketball..... I know, I know, that would be a hard sell.....but once you realize the skill, percision, and finese that is required of this sport......you just might agree to the replacement. It would be called the Rock Toss into the Sewer System - by way of the Toilet. It is a team sport....and Brooke and Bryce would be our champions. The competition begins with the team playing in their backyard. The potty trained sibling (who would be discreetly carrying a good sized rock) runs into the house, yelling she needs to go "potty". She deposits the rock into the toilet and flushes. The next sibling runs in after her, holding two more rocks (the unknowing Mother thinks he is just trying to hurry his sister back outside). He then accurately throws rock #2 and #3 into the toilet......so that they hit the first rock just right, making it go up into and through the u-bend, helped by the force of a second flush. At that point, the Mother runs in, sees the second and third rock resting on the bottom.....yells loudly.....assumes they are only rock #1 and rock #2 (because she thinks you can't flush rocks up through a u-bend). This sport is rather long....it lasts over a couple of days. Usually, on the second day....the toilet ceases to work properly. The Dad then has to completely remove the toilet from the bathroom and discovers the real rock #1....stuck in the pipe that is inside the floor, leading to the sewer. The more the Dad swears during this process........the higher the score.
We are so going for the gold! See you in 2024!
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